The following is an interview of an acquaintance (FYI…I’d call him a friend if he had a sexier occupation) who is a “professional” bathroom attendant at a popular Manhattan bar. That is, the guy who hovers over the bathroom sink turning the water on and off, then handing you paper towels. While this interview was meant to be informative, unfortunately it was not. However, it was humorous.
I should let you know that it was a hybrid written/verbal interview, but the written portion had to be translated verbally afterward, so the write-up is my best attempt at merging everything. I corrected his grammar here and there, while trying to keep it authentic. What follows is a glimpse into what you’re dealing with when dealing with the bathroom attendant.
THE INTERVIEW
Kavorka: How long have you been a bathroom attendant?
Bathroom Attendant: Since I was working in North Carolina.
Kavorka: OK, but what year did you first start working in bathrooms as an attendant?
Bathroom Attendant: First real job working a bathroom was like late 80s, late 90s. Around there.
Kavorka: What are the main services that you provide as a bathroom attendant?
Bathroom Attendant: I just make shit easier for everybody. If you’re washing your hands, I’ll add some soap. It’s stupid to wash your hands without soap, but if I don’t step up, nobody uses the soap. Can’t put a price on that. Need to get paid.
Kavorka: Do you work exclusively on tips, or do you also make a salary?
Bathroom Attendant: I bring all my shit in here. I got gum, cigarettes, mouth wash, hair shit, cologne, I hook up the soap, condoms. Just working my room. I ain’t need no salary. I’m my own boss.
Kavorka: What do you believe you deserve as a tip from bathroom users?
According to the man: A #2 should tip more than a #1
Kavorka: If you provide a service, but don’t get tipped, are you angry?
Bathroom Attendant: Yeah but, it depends. People shittin need to hook me up. They in my house shittin. If you’re pissin, and you wanna walk out, that’s cool. But don’t look at me or talk to me. Just piss and get out. If you’re shittin, you gotta pay up.
Kavorka: What annoys your most about your job?
Bathroom Attendant: I see people going into the stalls but they ain’t sitting down, while urinals are open. They probably doin coke or they got baby d*cks or something. It also ain’t fun working in a men’s bathroom. Never any ass coming in there until late.
Kavorka: What do you enjoy most about your job?
Bathroom Attendant: It’s cash money. I know I’m the guy behind the scenes. Good luck without me. I like the stories too.
Kavorka: Do you have any advice for customers as it relates to you?
Bathroom Attendant: Nah. Just leave somethin man. $1 for a piss and $3 for a shit and I’m cool.
Kavorka: A lot of people prefer not having a bathroom attendant because they can go to the bathroom, wash their hands with soap, and dry them, all without your help. They feel like you being there pressures them for paying for things they can do on their own. Have you ever gotten this impression from people?
Bathroom Attendant: Yeah. There’s a bathroom across the street. Go there. This interview’s over. I can go to the grocery store and buy my beer but the bartender’s still got a fuckin job.
This concluded my interview. I guess what we can ascertain is that, all the assumptions we’ve ever made about bathroom attendants and the theory behind having a bathroom attendant were probably pretty accurate. My recommendation (at least for NYC): If you piss, leave your bathroom attendant $1, but make it worth your while. Grab a piece of gum, or some gel, or some mouthwash. If you poop leave three bucks, wash your hands, and leave.
Do you have any stories to share that could add some clarification to the importance of a bathroom attendant?
44 Comments. Leave new
This is an amazing piece of insight. I would much rather see/read an interview of a person of this nature then any celebrity. It’s simply a manner of proper ettiquete. If you’re shittin you gotta pay up, end of story.
I definitely am always a little put-off whenever I enter a restroom that has a bathroom attendant. I honestly don’t see why I should have to leave a tip for using the bathroom (but usually feel guilty and do anyway). Loved the commentary on $1 for #1 and $3 for #2!
This is good shit (literally). If you have $60 to buy blow, you have $3 to do it in his house. Much better story than Paris getting caught for coke. Shouldve had this article up earlier. As for Kristen, leave a goddamn dollar for christ sakes. You probably got some horny banker buying your blow and drinks anyway.
What a gem!
This was (completely unexpectedly mind you) perhaps the funniest thing I ever read in my life. I really always did wonder if you should give more of a tip when pooping. I feel like I’ve learned more today than I have in the past 10 years. Well done Efficientdrinker!!
I’ll gladly pay the guy three bucks if he wipes me and flushes.
Dude I know that guy!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I will not be paying any attendant three dollars today as I have just crapped my pants laughing.
On a side note, I would’ve like to see the Gold Standard pay method mentioned. I always treat my man the attendant like Costco/ the bartender at an open bar wedding…. hang with the dude, slip him a five spot (or 10 if I’ve had dairy) and make it known, remember my face! I broke the seal, so lets just say I’m covered for the night. As long as he doesn’t try and slip me an american spirit, I may kick him a few sheets at the end of the night as a bonus.
I’ll generally try to get away with tipping the attendant $1 for the night (say, 3 pisses). This definitely makes me re-evaluate my tipping etiquette.
What a great idea for a post… that was hilarious. If I have a couple singles on me I’ll leave one for the attendant; however, I often don’t as I mostly just use my credit card. In that case, I definitely try to high-tail it out of there without making eye contact.
Good idea Zack. From what I was able to gather, it seems impossible to befriend a bathroom attendant for free. It seems like the no eye contact is big. Legend has it, nobody has ever beaten a bathroom attendant in a staring contest.
You definitely need to do a follow up interview as I’m curious about a couple other things like whether people become more or less generous as they get drunk. I feel like the more wasted I get, the less generous I am likely to be with a bathroom attendant. On a good night, when I’m hammered, I’ll be taking at least 5-7 pisses (fast metabolism). Early on, I may give the guy a buck or two but by the end of the night he’s in for a rude awakening if he thinks he’s getting anything else even if I help myself to some of his sundries. I wonder how he would deal w/ such a patron and does this happen often?
id say out of the 5 trips i make to the bathroom on a good drinking night id tip twice and always give 2 bucks.
Awesome article, hahaha!! Great topic.. I usually slip a buck or two if I break the seal early and after a few visits, I get free gum and mints (and useless sex tips from the attendants regarding what cologne “gets the ladies”).. this guy sounds like a hustler and should put that $1 piss/$3 shits on a sign, like a drink special
Ever not have any singles on you and pull out big bills infront of the attendant? in your head your going shit he’s looking at me how do i walk away from this?!
I want to thank you efficient drinker for doing some hard journalism here and asking the tough questions… this was absolutely hilarious and as someone who has once sat in for a bathroom attendant am truly glad someone has given him/her a voice. $3 per shit/coke bump seems fair to me. A necessary standard has been set and I for one would like to say well done. Just like the bathroom attendant who provides soap to those who generally neglect to wash -“you can’t put a price on that.”
Great article. I agree a follow up should be done. Does the attendant interviewed exclusivity agreement to hold down that specific mens room down or is it on a first come first serve basis? If they do have some type of agreement can they pass the space off to a family member or friend if a better location becomes available?
Tending a mens room is an art. A seasoned attendant can from the side of his eye watch someone using a spritz of his cool water cologne, while pumping soap for 2-4 patrons depending on how many sinks. He’s usually conducting one to two conversations with guys waiting on line or at the urinals. In between soap pumps, he pulls out a Newport out from his back pocket (saving those for the true menthol smoker).
I just stumbled onto this site as I was doing a google search on “bathroom attendants” and would like to share a little bit about myself. I have this weird fixation w/ bathroom attendants, it’s almost a reverse-phobia of sorts. I have no idea what it is, but every time I’m in a bathroom that has an attendant, I get really turned on. Like really, really turned on. What’s worse is that I’m a dude and I’m not even gay, I don’t think.
Anyhow, you know how some dudes have an issue peeing if when other dudes are around (think Frankenstein in ‘Big Daddy’)? Mine is the exact opposite; I can’t go unless I know that bathroom attendant is looking at me. And it doesn’t matter what the bathroom attendant looks like; he can be deformed, black, white, asian, have 3rd degree burns all over his face, a goiter the size of tennis ball protruding from his neck – it doesn’t matter. All bathroom attendants make me really horny. There have even been a couple occasions when I’ve drawn wood instantaneously upon walking into a bathroom and unsuspectingly finding a bathroom attendant captaining the ship. Try urinating in a public urinal w/ a full bone. It’s not quite the same as waking up in the morning at half mast and tucking your semi under the toilet seat as you sit down to pee. (Sidenote: I try to sit down to pee whenever possible now. I also like to take baths.)
Anyways, do you think there is some sort of medical diagnosis for this thing? Is there someone I should talk to? Is this website a community of people that are experiencing these same problems I’m having?
And to the author, what bar/restaurant did you conduct this interview at? I’d like to go to the bathroom there.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLnWf1sQkjY
It seems that the majority of you are very generous and more hygienic than myself. In the presence of a bathroom attendant, I have a few strategies:
a) Skip him completely and don’t wash my hands. Absolutely no eye contact is allowed. This only works if I’m not going to be making many bathroom visits.
b) Tip him once and wash my hands the next few times for nothing. I might take something the time I tip, but nothing the times I don’t. I avoid eye contact on the non-tipping visits as he suggests. More than 3 visits and it’s definitely time to tip again.
c) Use him as an alternative to bumming a cigarette from a stranger. A dollar is worth preserving a shred of dignity.
I pretty much never #2, but if I really blew the place up, I’d be inclined to give 2-3 dollars for his time and suffering.
need the female perspective….there are some dirrrty ass chicks out there
This is great…. I always said to myself “what’s the point of those bathroom attendants”. His comment about you can buy beer across the street from the deli, so who needs a bartender.. is priceless!
I could hear your voice as you ask these questions! This guy really takes his job seriously. He should post the charges he’s asking for 🙂
I’m stuck on the comment about not seeing any ass until the late night…I guess the next time I’m in the mood for a little chocolate action, I could slip the bathroom attendant $6 (double shit) and lick it like a lollipop…..I love that song…I just hope he’s not turned off by my baby dick….
Good article…we don’t have bathroom attendants here in Melbourne, which is a good thing so it seems…as people don’t tend to wash their hands in OZ, I reckon being pressured into doing so by some bathroom lingerer wouldn’t go down too well
I have additional questions for the attendant:
1. Has he been hit hard by the recession?
2. What does he ususally clear in a night?
3. Has he ever had to fight another attendant for a spot?
4. Does he have aspirations for work in more of an upscale venue like the Waldorf?
5. Does he have something against wearing a bow-tie? He’s the only attendant I’ve seen dressed in corporate casual.
6. Are the 3 different air scents more for him or his patrons?
7. If someone clogs the toilet, does he provide flushing services? If so, how much is he compensated?
In England we call them Freshen Up Guys & they provide soap, a spray and normally a song. The ones we have are always breaking out in song “no armani, no punani”, “no spray no lay”, “don’t you know freshen up, you got to freshen up”. Makes it hilarious.
in addition “No splash, no gash”
Whatever. I never, ever pay these asshats.
So you camp out in a bathroom and thus I owe you money? Sorry, buddy, but you need to get a real job that provides a valuable service to society that *isn’t* completely redundant. That’s sure how *I* got the money you expect me to pay you with.
And BTW, if I wanted someone to do it for me, I’d expect them to do it for free, paid for by the establishment as a complementary service. Otherwise, I’ll do it myself. You annoy the hell out of me every time I have to deny your parasitic ass from bothering me while I’m taking care of my own business.
Also, $3 for a shit that took 2 min? And you have 2 stalls? So that works out to a potential of 3x2x(60/2) = 180/hr. lol.
You, to me, are about as necessary as the guy selling cheap plastic roses that hassles me from the sidewalk during a lovely meal with my beau. F* off.
well “idiots” i can guess you’ve never traveled to Europe or South America where the bathroom attendants stand outside and “sell” you toilet paper. try brushing past these guards and see if you get inside.
how totally tolerant you are of people oh so superior one. you prolly kick the homeless when their mere presence offends you.
don’t think for a second that guy hasn’t seen it all and has to clean up a lot of messes others make. arrogance usually proceeds a major fall.
My father had a name for these guys…
Flush Gordons
Hahah I know this guy and he does take his job serious. This is actually at [Ed Note: Establishment redacted] in NY.
I went there and this dude got mad at me for not tipping. I truthfully dont see the point, he should really think about another job. First of all it has to be kind of demoralizing and you cant get paid that much just like the other guy said the recession has to have hit hard.
Also his point about bartenders. I know I only tip bartenders because I want them to come back to serve me. I could care less if this guy gives me soap next time im in the bathroom I can do that on my own.
umm… this guys a bum. His job is almost completely useless. Unless I buy condoms or gum or breath spray from him I will neither be paying nor tipping him. It’s the height of arrogance for him to compare himself to a bartender who actually mixes drinks, serve drinks, and attend topeople.
I’m shocked at all the commenters above me acting like this is a normal thing. $1 for piss $3 for shit logic makes no sense at all. It’s not like the man’s cleaning the bathrooms. He’s just standing there. Whether you shit or piss makes no difference in his job. He might get slightly less business, but you didn’t ask him to be there.
Nyc is fucked up.
I have never heard of a bathroom attendant-nor ever saw one–I am amazed! Good interview and I hope the guy makes money but I would question–why a guy would want a guy near him while sitting on the toilet–and why one would pay anything–just use the toilet and wash your hands—-I am no against tipping at all– but whywould you pay someone for using a public toilet when he has in no way helped you?
I have worked as a bathroom attendant in the past for women.. I agree that it is odd, and you do feel somewhat some pressure to leave a tip..i generally tell people..to leave what they feel is right to them.. it’s all bases on the interaction you have in those few minutes.. i have come across uppity women who feel it’s beneath them to even look my way and i have gotten the ugly ewww looks .. but to be honest with you.. i’m an optimist..and i do and will find the good in people no matter how sour they want everyone to see them as. i do not care what ur drama is with me or others.. at that particular time n moment you are using the bathroom.. why is it difficult for people to be NICE? just for the sake of being NICE… i do have a regular day job!! and i have taken up bathroom attendant job as extra $$$ not everyone has ivy league degrees, at the same token.. i’m not demeaning to people , i’m humble and i appreciate a smile and a nice word.. i do not give ugly faces when women look at me in disgust in the bathroom.. i could care less.. and for a good night i can go home with at least 150 bucks in my pocket..on a slow night.. give or take 50 to 80 bucks.. so all in all it’s not that bad.. for only a few hours of work .. and the drunk people.. lol..well i have my stories about them..but generally when they been hitting up the bathroom all night long and you see their demeaner subside a little from all the spirits they have been drinking thru out the night..sometimes they tend to get nicer and appreciate you being there..haha.. i held back a womans hair once..and had to get her a towel so she wouldn’t get her very expensive dress full of her own vomit splatter..lol.. she tipped me 20 bucks.. her only tip all night.. i wasn’t expecting her to tip, i helped her just for the sake of helping her out and she asked.. i could not say no , nor would i have… i am currently looking to do a bathroom attendant gig because times are hard.. i don’t care who are you in the world..Everyone needs money, money doesn’t know prejudice or race or color..all of that ignorance lies with the human who is holding the money..plain n simple.. so with that note.. Happy Holidays everyone..and i hope all the bathroom attendants of the world out there have a good 2011 Xmas.. we all deserve some happiness in our lives….. Debbs 🙂
Im a women’s room bathroom attendant and quite frankly this attendant sounds stupid. $3 for a shit??? Really? How does he know which person in the stall is shitting until they come out. I say $1 from every person is enough. Roughly 60 people come in the bathroom during my shift so that would b $60. Some people are assholes though and dont leave a tip at all. Its not about us being there to help u do something u can do alone. Its the fact that if ur pissy drunk and need help, we r there to help. If ur breath stinks but u dont have gum or mints, we have it for u. His house??? Really??* u cant charge someone for peeing or pooping jus cuz thats where he works. Its still a public restroom. He can however charge for the use of his products or assistance. Feel free to email me any questions u may have about restroom attendants. I’d be very appreciative seeing as how im currently writing a book about restroom attending as a career. My email is sweetelicious1987@gmail.com i dont have a problem answering any question u may have.
People who do blow in bathrooms are prob the biggest tippers. We need them on our side. Also you ^Debbs sound like a very nice lady.
Sorry, I’m not doing any transactions of any sort in the bathroom. That’s completely creepy. I go in there to do my business and leave, not be solicited for hand-outs. When I am in the men’s room, I want to be left the hell alone. If these “attendants” have a problem with me not tipping, they should demand a higher wage from their employer.
Mike it has never ceased to amaze me how you can take the most mundane thing and make it fun and the way it makes a person think Awesome good job dirty
I’ve travelled some and run into a few of these guys. Some are more pushy than others. Most just offer towel or gum or whatever. Your choice to tip or not. Rarely give it a second thought. This article is kind of a different take. Might see one in a somewhat different light now.
I am a female bathroom attendant, driven there by a month gap in employment. To the comment about “getting a real job.” This is a real job. A real job is something that you do to earn money..and guess what? For every one person who does not tip the bathroom attendant there is one who will. Now I’ve only done this for a very short period of time but these are my observations…
1. Women need a bathroom attendant, especially at bars and nightclubs, because being drunk on heals is difficult sometimes and you need help doing things like holding your hair back when you throw up from a wild night or having hair spray, tampons, gum, perfume, ponytail holders, bobbypins, hand sanitizer (for those ladies who don’t want to use water), condoms, cigarettes and a variety of other handy and right on time items. Women need these things. Women have and will tip me when I pop out a safety pin and their dress just popped. They will also come back to that establishment more than likely with the friendliness of the bartender, beat of the band, hospitality of the manager AND convenience of the bathroom attendant in mind.
2. I DO keep the bathroom clean. No water puddles on the sink, so you don’t have to stand back 2 feet to wash your hands to avoid getting your dress wet. I will open the stall door for you so you don’t have to touch the most germ infested thing in any public place (the door knob). I will turn the water on for you (once again saving your immune system and allowing you to make it to that 9-5 you cherish so much). I will make sure there are no tampons, throw up, used toilet paper or any other vile disquisting things left in the stall (by the previous drunk person) before you go in. And I also have air freshner and disinfectant on hand. So think about that the next time you go in a filthy bathroom.
3. I am a friendly person who genuinely finds it interested to watch folks while they party. The stories I could tell. I mean really. I’ve got a great blog idea I am developing. Since this is my job…I’m making the best of it. I’ve ran it by a few of the patrons and they are excited to read about themselves. Some even volunteered to sign a waiver to take photos!!! Which gave me even another great idea!
4. If you tip…you tip. I’ve only been doing this a short period of time and I’ve received $20 tips and I’ve gotten $1 tips. Tipping is a matter of personal choice. When you agree to work on tips (bartenders, valets, waitresses) you take the risk of servicing people who don’t tip. I am in Austin, Texas where Southern Belles are taught to tip those who work on tips. It is a matter of standards and class to tip in the South. So I’m in a good market. Tipping aint’ just for cows!
is it socially deviant to have a bathroom attendent at home for parties?
l was a bathattentant 4 twoyears. its the best kind of employment ive ever experience. i love people i like conversin with them. you see others without daily masks on! presently, iam tryin to find employment as an bathroom attendant. 7185472749…thankyou.
My coment is ,if you are using the bathroom you got to pay up and tip the bathroom attendant man, he is. There to make sure you have soap to wash your hands, an d tissue when you take apoop and gum. And mouthwash after drinking alcohol, for bad breath! Also I am. In need of a bathroom attendant job, so if you here of any openings at. Night CLUBS, PLEASE EMAIL. ME, MY NAME IS JEFFREY 1 347 372 5369
Im a bathroom attendant in Baltimore. I do this work cause i run a valet service i have a daughter in college a son being deployed to iraq and 2smaller school age children and a disabled husband so i work at night to be home during the day. But at night i the bar bathroom i keep the bathroom very cleani clean pee,vomit,blood,poop,up its not my dream job but neither is flipping a buger .I pay for all products I provide and soap paper towels n toilet paper n cleaning products as well so ladies take care of me cause i take care of them just like you tip your bartender for getting you drunk you should tip us for cleaning up your piss,vomit,shit,and blood and whatever mess yo make its only right you shouldn’t look down your nose at a hard worker you dont like when your boss looks down his nose at you do ya!!